It’s been a long two weeks since I have checked into LifeisKatetastic.
I will be honest…I’ve been avoiding this blog big time. In the past I have had a few times where I have spent an extended amount of time away from it, but that usually was because of the fact that I was overwhelmingly busy. I wish I could say that I have been busy these past two weeks, but that would be a total lie.
It is crazy to think how fast your life can change. I have always been one to think that my life would have seamless transition after transition. Unfortunately, I learned the hard way that isn’t always the case.
Two weeks ago I had just finished writing a blog article on Don Draper, one of my favorite characters from Mad Men. It was a show I had fallen in love with and wanted to share a thing or two about with those of you who hadn’t given the show a chance yet. After publishing the article and closing my laptop I decided it was time to get my daily workout in and focus my attention elsewhere. I was happy with the way the article turned out and in a very solid, happy place.
Minutes later, life as I knew it would change.
As I was firing up my Beachbody On Demand, Kyle came downstairs and asked me to sit on the couch. He then said the words I would never forget:
“Your mom just called. Your dad had a heart attack….he didn’t make it.”
What happened next I cannot tell you. I remember throwing my phone and crumbling to the floor as my legs gave out. I remember vaguely talking on the phone to my mother and brother. I did not even know how to comprehend what was happening. How does a heart attack happen to literally the HEALTHIEST guy I know? Someone who, at 61, was in better shape than most of the people my age? I didn’t understand then and still don’t understand now how this happened to such an incredible man, and I know I never will.
The past two weeks have been a series of minutes and days running together. Im not sure how my family and I would have survived had it not been for our family and friends who have been with us nonstop. I always knew my family was strong and our friends were amazing….but I realized they were even more amazing than I had ever even imagined. When my mother and I expressed our desire to not partake in the usual holiday traditions, no one questioned us or expressed disappointment. Instead, they stood by our sides, bringing over Chinese and just BEING there for us.
Throughout the past few weeks I have been going through an emotional roller coaster and have realized grief really is strange thing. Unfortunately, I have many friends who have lost parents who have been trying to help me, and for that I am forever grateful. I know there are stages of grief and have been reading a lot about them in place of the daily personal development I typically read. Right now I am really in the denial stage where I just keep thinking my dad will be coming home. There are moments where I somewhat acknowledge what has happened, but most of the time I just am not getting it. I know in time I will come to terms with what has happened…it just isn’t going to be anytime soon.
One big step I am trying to make is just getting back into my routine. On the days I have been able to eat and exercise I feel like a little part of me is alive again. I’m getting back into my daily routine with my business and team, and getting back to this blog definitely helps. Most people don’t realize that my biggest motivator and reason for this blog even existing was my dad. He was a phenomenal writer and liked knowing about the things going on in my life in detail, so I started this blog to not only share our mutual love of writing, but to keep him informed, too. Even though we talked daily, I know he loved opening his email and finding a notification stating I had a new blog article posted. He liked making fun of me for some of the blogs, too.
I cry a lot these days. In fact, I have only worn makeup twice in two weeks…..and we all know how I love makeup. I cry mostly for selfish reasons….I feel robbed of many more memories with my dad. So many people have said to me throughout the past two weeks that everything happens for a reason. I believe this to an extent, yet I have a difficult time thinking that there is something good that will come out of so much pain and sadness. Regardless of that feeling, I trust that something will. I have to.
I’ve written so many times about how Beachbody came into my life, and it is one of those things that I truly believe happened for a reason. For the past two years, I have thought that reason was for ME. I needed to become healthier, both mentally and physically, and I believed that was what this company and opportunity had brought into my life…..a healthier me. Now, after losing my dad, I realize the reason it came into my life had nothing to do with me.
Instead, this opportunity had come into my life so I could be a support for my mother and family. Had I been working my old job in higher education, I would’ve been given a day or two of bereavement and been forced to return before I was emotionally ready. Now that I work from home, I’ve been able to stay with my mom for two weeks without having to answer to anyone. I can be with my family whenever they need me or I need them. It has been the greatest blessing to all of us. I remember back when I first told myself I wanted to coach full time so I could spend more time with my family….It have never occurred to me something like this would happen, and while I desperately wish it hadn’t, I am thankful I can provide in the ways I have been able.
I could go on and on and on in the blog about my dad, but the truth is, there are no words to describe the greatest man in my life. Instead, I have opted to share with you the eulogy I wrote for his service. I am thankful our pastor was able to read it on my behalf because I emotionally could barely speak.
Those of you who knew him….you were very lucky people. I wish all of you could’ve had a few moments to chat with him . So many of you have been sharing stories and funny moments that involved my dad, and I encourage you to keep doing so. His memory will be alive with me as long as I am breathing, and even though sometimes the memories make me sad, I love hearing about them. To all of you who visited, called, sent flowers, made us meals, came to the service, or simply sent your love……thank you so much. It has meant the world to us.
I am proud of the work that I do because I can serve as a beacon of hope and positivity and inspiration to others. These past few weeks I have not been able to exude the positivity I usually do, and for that I am sorry. You all have been MY beacon of hope, and I thank you a million times for that.
We rise by lifting others.
You have lifted me when I needed you, and I am grateful.
Please keep lifting others. You never know the battles people are facing. Your kind words, your hugs, even a smile to a stranger….they are all small moments that can impact someone. NEVER question your ability to change someone’s day.
This life event has been the most difficult thing I have ever been faced with. I know the road ahead of me will not be easy. However, I am a fighter, and I am one tough bitch. Losing my dad may have caused me to stumble and fall, but I will get up again, and I will be stronger than I have ever been. My parents raised me to be a strong woman, and that is exactly what I shall be.
I wanted to leave you with a moment of my life that will forever be one of my favorite moments: the dance I was able to share with my dad at my wedding two months ago.
I’m so proud to be this man’s little girl.