RANT OF THE WEEK: I am NOT a Belieber.

I can’t believe it has taken me so long to write a rant about Justin Bieber. Seriously. I complain about him all the time, yet for some reason he hasn’t shown up as a topic on my blog yet. I can’t help it tonight, though. His ugly, talentless mug has surfaced in my newsfeed and on my favorite news programs.

I know there are a million tweens right now kissing their Bieber posters just like I used to do when I was that age…only I was kissing the lovely faces of Donny Wahlberg and Jonathan Knight from NKOTB in my BOP magazine (yes, I know Jonathan is now gay and a realtor, but I don’t care). I rocked those dinner plate sized pins like it was nobody’s business, not only back in the 3rd grade, but a few years back as well. Here’s proof that sometimes teenage crushes last a lifetime…….

This was taken only a few years ago....still love my NKOTB!

This was taken only a few years ago….still love my NKOTB!

Removing my boyband bias, I must say…NKOTB had staying power. I mean, look at them: they are still making music (and good music at that). When I saw them a few years ago, their concert was totally sold out, and it was, by far, one of the greatest concerts I had ever been to. That’s saying a lot since I have been to probably over a hundred concerts. What is my point to this?

My point is: Justin Bieber is a terrible artist and will never accomplish what the New Kids on the Block have. I have been hatin’ on Bieber ever since his little prepubescent ass starting making lame songs about relationships. As he has aged, the degree of annoyance has grown with every song, every media stunt, and every beard of a relationship. I can’t stand it.

Here are the things that really tick me off about Justin Bieber:

1. His Monkey: Why do famous people think it is appropriate to buy exotic animals and tote them around? I am so tired of hearing about Justin Bieber and this little monkey saga. So he buys a monkey, doesn’t get the appropriate documentation for it, so now it can’t travel with him? Why is this in the news every single day? Hey Justin, I’d like you to look up Charla Nash and read about the cute little chimp, known as Travis, that ripped her face off. Animals like this should not be pets. I felt bad for Charla Nash since she was not the actual owner and was harmed due to their negligence. Justin, I will not feel bad when your monkey pulls some freakish act on you.

2. Your girlish figure: I don’t like guys that constantly feel the need to show off their bodies every single second. If you have a nice body, people will see it when the time is right. I may love a guy’s arms, but I don’t want you walking around shirtless just because you can. Furthermore, if you are a guy and your body resembles a little girl, don’t show it off every second. Justin, I am talking to you. When the paparazzi comes after you, why do you always rip your shirt off like you are going to thrown down? Let’s face it…the only person you can successfully beat in a throw down is a Barbie doll. I mean, you both weigh the same. Please keep your clothes on.

Thanks, Oceanup.com for this lovely example.

Thanks, Oceanup.com for this lovely example.

3. Your inner thug: I should rephrase that. YOU ARE NOT A THUG. Stop attempting to dress like one, stop throwing in some ebonics when you feel like it, and stop icing yourself out with the Mr. T starter kits. REPEAT: YOU ARE NOT A THUG. If you still disagree, please go roam the streets of Compton for a few days without all of your body guards. Doubt you have any street cred there, homie. If you survive, then I will apologize and call you a thug.

4. Speaking of fashion, Your style is absolutely terrible: Who is dressing you, Helen Keller? Why are you wearing spikey yellow hats with purple saggy leopard pants? Your stylist needs to go to jail. Also, no man should ever wear skinny jeans. It is just disgusting. I really can’t say anything else about such a blatant display of poor taste. Also, someone somewhere may need that gas mask, so give it back.

Peoplestylewatch probably wishes they weren't watching this hot mess.

Peoplestylewatch probably wishes they weren’t watching this hot mess.

5. Your etiquette with the public: I am one of those that strongly believe that you give up a part of your life to the public when you become a public figure. Yes, sometimes the media does go a little overboard with their attempts at getting the perfect shot of a star. However, when you are prancing around outside a hotel and the paparazzi are there with their cameras, that doesn’t give you the right to spit on them or punch them. Again, Justin, you are not a thug. No one is afraid of you. You should be glad these people are even following you around. Be nice and smile and just get in the car. If you fired your stylist, maybe the media would’ve make fun of your clothes so much, thus leading you to get so angry. This kind of behavior shows your immaturity.

Really, I could go on and on and on about this subject, but I’m getting fired up just writing about it, so I am going to stop now. I kind of wish Justin Bieber would just stop, too.

Taken at my friend Lindsey's bachelorette party. I was upset a bar was playing Bieber and even more upset someone with us owned this slap bracelet. This was Grumpy Cat before Grumpy Cat existed.

Taken at my friend Lindsey’s bachelorette party. I was upset a bar was playing Bieber and even more upset someone with us owned this slap bracelet. This was Grumpy Cat before Grumpy Cat existed.

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