RANT OF THE WEEK: Fingerbangers!!!!

It is no secret that I am a little bit of a germaphob. I won’t even partake in a potluck because of people’s nasty ways. Can you blame me, seriously???!!!! People are downright gross and disgusting. The worst kind of people: fingerbangers! Ugh, I can’t stand them, and they are everywhere!!!!!

Today I got to witness some fingerbangering up close and personal while I was grocery shopping at Giant Eagle aka The Dirty Bird. Now, if there is one thing I hate doing, it is grocery shopping. I get annoyed watching people use their food stamps to buy ridiculous food items. I hate waiting in lines. I hate playing chicken with people in the aisle ways. I really hate having to check out and bag groceries myself. And I really really really hate when I witness fingerbanging.

What is fingerbanging? It is quite simple to define, and I am sure everyone knows a fingerbanger in their life. Someone who fingerbangs picks up food items, fondles the heck out of it, then puts the item back. I get so fired up about this. If you touch an item, take it and buy it/eat it, etc. Don’t put it back for someone else to pick up and take. That is just absolutely gross.

As usual, I entered the Dirty Bird with my shopping list in hand and a desire to get home. My shopping is pretty simple…I start in produce and sweep the perimeters of the store, barely going into the interior aisles. In theory, I should be in and out quickly every time. One of my favorite things to buy: sweet potatoes. As I made my way over to stock up on them, I noticed a cute elderly couple hovering in that aisle. The man, without covering his face, proceeded to produce a ginormous sneeze all over the sweet potatoes. He then started picking through them, touching pretty much every single one of them, purchasing only two. The man clearly saw my look of disgust but didn’t care. He had just fingerbanged his way through the sweet potatoes and heavens knows what other produce.  Mortified, I decided I would just stop at Acme on my way home and get the sweet potatoes there.

What is wrong with people? Do people not have manners anymore? Had it been a little kid, I still would’ve been disgusted, but little kids sometimes don’t know better. Elderly people should. It makes me sick to think about who bought those snotty sweet potatoes after that couple walked away.

Fingerbangers, on behalf of all of the germaphobs and normal humans out there, keep your hands to yourself.

I expect hand sanitizer sales to increase after reading this rant.

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